It was all for her
by Arford
Summary: I don't know when it began, but it did. And since then, everything I have done is for her sake. (Yes, this is Harmony).


AN: Sorry for poor formatting, especially to those who read the initial upload of this story. This is my first fic, and I've lots to improve on. I woke up with this in mind today and got myself out of bed to type it. I hope you enjoy

"When did it begin?"

I ask myself this question constantly. I glance at her, making sure she's preoccupied before I do so. Just looking at her is enough to make me smile; I'm grateful for what she's done. More grateful than what I show, to say the least.

Thinking about it seems so strange. Several years ago, even during the most recently passed, I would never have thought this way. Never thought about this at all. But here I am now, looking at her expectantly. _She still hasn't met my eyes_. Of course, I won't say a word to her. She doesn't need to know about this.

Once in a while, her senses alert her to be watchful; and mine whisper in my ears when her gaze falls on me. Each time she calls my name, I must pretend to be surprised. It makes her laugh when she thinks she's caught me off guard - but she doesn't know I'm doing it just to hear her laugh. I guess that's just another thing she has yet to discover. Not that I mind, of course. After all, the _Chosen One_ I may be, I am not _her_ 'chosen'.

She doesn't know that I know, of course. I understand that this experience is new for her; it is new for me too, this profound level of pain that I never knew existed. My silent laughter breaks my own heart - because I know I'm not what she's looking for. There's no doubt she would be attracted. I am a child. He is not. Oh, we're both similar; we both love the same sport, though he is far better than I. We both battled beasts of similar breed; but he actually fought, while I ran.

From where I stand, I can see things just fine. She won't ever find out that I know of her infatuations. I have no reason to ruin her smile, for as long as it lasts. Her smiles when he whispers words into her ears, thinking that they are alone, and no one else can hear them.

I suppose I've come to understand why I've heard some people say that "Two is few and fine, but three? Three's a crowd."

Despite the fact that things have changed, I can't bear to not watch over her. I cannot bring myself to harbor a drop of dislike or hatred towards this her. For her sake, I will smile. And I will charge forward.

No matter what.

* * *

When the time came, and everyone was shocked at her accompanying such a man, I frowned. They all should have known she should be with the best. As her steps neared, I changed my expression into stunned, hoping it would please her. It did. I hadn't planned on complimenting her, but I could not help myself. Her beauty genuinely took my breath away. The smile that broke out on her face would go on to break the remaining shards of my heart.

Smiles come in three sorts. The mask which deceives, the one I most commonly wear, and only allows the public to assume their knowledge is correct. There is the grin of joy and friendship, a laughing, soothing sort of smile. And then, the smile of love, directed only towards those for whom they feel a spark. I already knew that her face wore the second expression whenever she greeted me, so in kind, I responded with the first.

* * *

During the summer after that school year, I knew that my own heart was seized by irreconcilable pain. She had moved on from her last, but onto another. She spent her entire summer here, with him. Her new infatuation. When the school letters arrived, she claimed to believe _I _should have been appointed the same position as her, but I knew the truth. The glimpse of light in her eyes signaled how she really felt. She was happy.

And so, another inward smile of victory. Neither of them needed to know that my mood was just an act. And neither of them would ever know of the letter I sent to Albus and Minerva, telling them that _he_ was better suited. Only threatening Minerva with leaving her Quidditch team seemed to finally work.

* * *

I tried to forget her, actually. I tried really hard. I tried to move past this gi... no, this _woman_ who had grown marvelously from her eleven years old self. I tried to tell myself that this other girl would be better for me to fall for. Her eyes were rich dark depths. Her hair had nothing wrong with it. Her skin was porcelain, if one could describe it. But she just wasn't _her_.

Every time I tried though, I couldn't.

And eventually, there came a time when I could not bear with the facade any longer. I would not stand for this mere girl insulting _her_. For without _her_, _I _would be long dead. I began to want to scream. So I did. And I ran back to _her_, hoping she wouldn't notice how I felt. She didn't.

* * *

Severus sneered at me, and I continued to display my enraged expression. The waters needed to be trod carefully. Albus sent me to him, thinking I knew nothing of Occlumency and its counterpart. But that was not the truth, and I could not let anyone know of it.

I would not let him find my memories nor my desires, lest he damn her and put her in harm's path.

* * *

When she went down, my heart stopped. I knew nothing anymore. I knew nothing at all. Absolutely nothing. Everything became black, and my mind blanked. The world was meaningless without her. I raced to her falling body, attempting to ascertain her life was still in tact. I cast every healing spell I learned, and hugged her motionless form with everything I had. And when I kissed her head, I turned to hear the only conscious friend I had gasp.

At first, I didn't realize how badly my mask had slipped. Tears were already running down my face. I could only utter a small "Sorry" and steeled my heart for what I had to do next. "_Obliviate_!"

* * *

Her joy from being complimented was astounding. The blush on her cheeks made her even more beautiful than before in a way I never thought possible. But I only plastered the same grin onto my face and chuckled. "Anytime."

I turned my face back to our newest staff addition and his lesson, only to find a stroke of brilliance hit me.

Amortentia. My eyes flickered to the bubbling cauldron that lay not too far from where I sat. The possibility began to grow inside my mind, and I decided that I needed to do this. It was all for her sake... so nothing was out of bounds. I glanced at the book in my hands marked "The property of the Half-Blood Prince" and ignored the lesson.

To deceive the enemy, deceive not only your friends, but deceive your very own soul, heart and mind. The last of my three came to conclusion with the other two. I needed to make sure no one knew of my feelings for her. My heart would be lied to, and my mind would be the liar, with my soul being the restrained friend, forced only to smile while knowing the reality of the situation.

I suppose I never considered the consequences, but her safety was, is, and always would be paramount in my eyes. Telling my body that it loved another was a small price to pay in order to keep things hidden.

* * *

When she cried her heart out, mine bled. The drugs in my veins gave me no struggle as I pulled her sobbing form in and soothed her in my arms, whispering words to calm her. But I must not succumb to my own desire.

I complimented her and teased her, hoping she could find some solace within me - and my grip on her tightened as I kept up the stream of words. I refused to let her tears continue to flow; I dabbed at them and told her how the boy she so clearly fancies is a git.

I waited for her mood to brighten up and for her to fall asleep against the wall before I conjured up a blanket and draped it over her shivering form. I flinched at every mention of his name in her sleep, stifling my own sobs.

Silencing myself, I reached into my pockets and pulled out a vial of the drug that was supposedly the most powerful formula of 'love'. A drug that was useless when my thoughts turned to this girl. I uncorked the flask and shakily brought it to my lips.

* * *

The darkness enveloped my small form, but I did not shake. I walked on confidently, knowing what would come. My fingers slipped towards the snitch in my pocket and brought it to my mouth. I whispered words I waited so long to say. A small stone, marked with a slash down the middle, fell into my left palm.

I twirled the object thrice, and watched as my family's shades appeared before me. A smile broke loose and I told them, "I'll be with you soon." With their acceptance and nods, I dropped the stone and continued.

"Hello, Tom."

* * *

"My dear boy," Albus greeted me. He was sitting there, waiting for me, although his stance betrayed the fact he was not patient in the slightest. His eyes locked onto mine, and burned with curiosity.

A soft, laugh broke from my lips before I could stop it. "Albus," I responded.

Silence settled between us until he chose to break it.

"Thank you," he began. "Thank you for sacrificing yourself for those who hate and hated you. Thank you for -"

The wild bark erupted from my lungs and left with no regrets. I could not contain it anymore. Even Albus was deceived. I suppose I should pride myself on my acting and Occlumency. His eyes widened with disbelief and confusion. Seeing this, I knew I had to correct him. "I did not die for them." My voice was sharp; crisp, with no room for argument.

"I died for _her_. For her, and her _alone_." his mouth hung agape, and he was unable to form words. His face scrunched up in thought, and her face flashed before my eyes. I waited for him to peer into my thoughts, and this time, I allowed him to see.

He began to piece together the fragments and come to the proper conclusion - funny how the only person who came to know the truth could never share the secret. Tears, true tears, began to fall from the old man's face. His expression alone asked me the very same question he asked Severus: "After all this time?"

My simple nod turned his face ashen. But I continued to smile. The fourth smile, actually. The smile of resignation.

"Love. Love is the power that he fears. And so, I loved. I loved much more than the world would ever know. And for this love, I did all that I could. I stood up to the masses that despised me. I stood up to the crowds who adored me with false kindness. I raised myself before they who feared me. I stood tall for her sake.

"But I also stooped to the lowest of lows; beyond the point of human scum. I lied. I cheated (in various contexts and with regards to countless people). I fought for her sake. I killed for her sake. And now, I have died for her sake."

A bell wrung, and I knew our discussion was done. "Onto the next great adventure, Albus. Let us go." I stood and walked into the surrounding darkness, moving on to watch her from another world.


End file.
